Seeing a green paddock full of cows or sheep would make you think our soil is the best you can get get.  While our soil is great for growing cows and sheep it does have some deficiencies when it comes to human health because it is generally low in the essential nutrients of selenium, zinc, magnesium and iodine. Plants need these compounds in the soil they grow in if the food they produce is to have these nutrients.  Limited amounts of these nutrients in the soil will mean the fruit or vegetables will also have a limited supply. 

Iodine is essential for normal brain development and thyroid functioning.  Iodine is usually found in fruit, grains and vegetables, but they get their iodine from the soil they grow in.  That’s the problem, as our soil doesn’t have much iodine.

Magnesium is essential for formation of bones and teeth and assists in the absorption of calcium and potassium.  It is needed to give the body energy.  Heart health also needs this important mineral.  The source of magnesium is green vegetables, nuts and some whole grains.

Zinc is essential for body functions involving energy and metabolism.  It’s also great for our immune system.  Meat, cereals, beans, peas, eggs and seafood are sources of zinc.

Selenium is an anti-oxidant that works with vitamin E to protect cell membranes from damage.  Research is studying whether selenium plays a role in lowering the risk of lung, prostate, stomach and colorectal cancer.  Foods with high selenium content are Brazil nuts, poultry, seafood, wholegrain, onions, garlic, mushrooms, and brown rice.  Again the plants need selenium in the soil if it’s to be absorbed into the plant.

In New Zealand we recommend John Appleton’s health supplements.  If you wish to seek expert medical advice for your child with regards to allergies, ADHD, behaviour problems, Autism, recurrent infections or nutrition we recommend Dr Leila Masson

Kiwi’s are getting bigger!

1977: 10% of adults obese, 34% overweight

1997: 17% obese, 35% overweight

2009: 28% obese, 37% overweight

In a recent nutrition report by the Ministry of Health, New Zealand obesity rates have soared compared to a decade ago.  For men 27.7 % are obese compared to 17% in 1997.  For women the rate is 27.8% compared to 20.6% in 1997.  Professor Jim Mann of Otago University calls the statistics alarming: “New Zealand is high up in the ranks of the global pandemic of obesity.  It reminds us that we have got a terrible problem.”  His answer to the problem is better nutritional choices.  Here is the Mayo Clinics, one of Americas top medical institutions, top ten foods.  If you want to be healthy you can’t get better than these foods:

 Nature’s wonder foods:

• Almonds.  Rich in fibre, riboflavin, magnesium, iron and calcium.  They’re great for healthy hearts.
• Apples.  The pectin in apples helps lower blood cholesterol and glucose levels.  They’re also an excellent source of vitamin C.
• Blueberries.  Research has found these magic berries are full of phytonutrients that help prevent chronic disease.  They improve short-term memory and promote healthy aging.  Full of fibre and vitamin C.
• Broccoli.  This is also an excellent source of phytonutrients that prevent diseases like heart disease, diabetes, and some cancers.  It’s also full of vitamin C and vitamin A.
• Red beans.  Full of fibre and rich in iron, phosphorous and potassium.  They also contain phytonutrients.
• Salmon.  The benefits of omega-3 fatty acids are well established.  Hearts love omega-3 and it promotes healthy immune functioning.
• Spinach.  Pop-eye was onto a good thing with spinach.  High in vitamin A and C and folate it helps boost our immune system and keeps the hair and skin healthy.  It also contains compounds that help our vision.
• Sweet potatoes. This beaut yellow vegetable is full of beta carotene that the body converts into vitamin A – the vitamin that keeps you looking young, so it’s got to be good.  They also are excellent sources of vitamin C, fibre, vitamin B-6 and potassium.
• Vegetable juice.  All the benefits of the original vegetables presented in a delicious nutritious drink.  Here is a great way to include vegetables in your child’s diet as well.  Tomato juice contains many health benefits.  It contains an antioxidant called lycopene that may reduce the risk of heart attack and prostate cancer.
• Wheat germ.  Sprinkle some wheat germ on your breakfast cereal each morning for a health boost.  Wheat germ is the part of the seed that develops and grows the new plant sprout.  It contains folate, magnesium, phosphorus and zinc.

In New Zealand we recommend John Appleton’s health supplements.  If you wish to seek expert medical advice for your child with regards to allergies, ADHD, Behaviour problems, Autism, recurrent infections or Nutrition we recommend Dr Leila Masson

(Adapted from Mayo Clinic Health Newsletter; New Zealand Herald, 16 October, 2011)

1. Physical time.  Aerobic exercise increases BDNF (brain-derived neurotrophic factor).  When BDNF gets released it’s like fertiliser for the brain.  Brains love it because it promotes the growth of new neurons and new neural connections.  Get moving for brain growth!
2. Focus time.  When we intentionally focus on something, and discipline our mind to pay attention, the brain fires up in good ways.  Distractions and foggy thinking are bad for neuroplasticity.
3. Time in.  This describes the reflective activity of bringing to consciousness our inner thoughts and feelings.  As we reflect the brain integrates our experiences into a collective whole that helps make sense of our experiences.
4. Sleep time.  Brains need rest and down time.  When we are asleep our brains ‘connect the dots’ of our days experience and it provides time for repair.
5. Down time.  Minds also need time when they are allowed to wander.  Doing nothing time, without any specific purpose or gaol in mind, is good brain food.
6. Play time.  Creative fun releases powerful positive hormones into our brain system.  Try rough and tumble play with your child and see the delight on their face!  That’s their brain speaking of how much it loves play time!
7. Connected time.  Brains love social connections.  In fact, some scientists have called the brain the ‘social brain’ because of its need of social interaction to optimally develop.  Attachment and intimate interactions create strong neural pathways.

A great brain website, with brain enhancing games for adults and older children can be found at www.luminosity.com

References:

Cozolino, L.  (2006).  The Neuroscience of Human Relations.  New York: W.W. Norton & Company.

Panksepp, J.  (2005).  Affective Neuroscience.  New York: Oxford University Press.

Siegel, D.J.  (2007).  The Mindful Brain.  New York:  W.W. Norton & Company.

Siegel, D.J. (2010).  Mindfulness.  New York: Batam Books.

Food groups research: Choose My Plate  

Choosing to eat healthy is an important aspect of a great lifestyle.  Research consistently finds a strong relationship between poor diet and negative health outcomes.  With child obesity on the increase healthy eating isn’t just an adult concern. Recently the US Department of Agriculture updated the familiar food pyramid model.  They have called the new model “Choose My Plate.”  They suggest the following for healthy eating:

• Enjoy your food, but eat smaller servings.
• Make half your plate vegetables and fruit.
• Make at least half your grains whole grains.
• Change to fat-free or low-fat milk
• Check the salt (sodium) content of foods and go with the one that has less.
• Avoid sugary drinks but indulge with natures best – water.

Is sugar toxic?

Nearly all processed foods have some form of sugar in them, but what is it doing to our health?  Dr. Robert Lustig argues sugar is “the most demonized additive known to man.” What makes his argument persuasive is he is a leading expert in childhood obesity at the University of California, San Francisco, School of Medicine.  This scientist is top in his field.  In a lecture reported by the New York Times, he believes that excessive consumption of sugar is the main reason why there has been a significant increase in obesity and diabetes in America.  He also suggests there is a link between sugar intake and chronic aliments like heart disease, hypertension and many of the common cancers.  You can check out his lecture on YouTube “Sugar: The Bitter Truth.” While critics might debate his findings, parents know it’s not smart giving your child a can of Sprite before bedtime.  Those teaspoons of sugar create bedtime chaos!

In spite of the attention our media rightfully gives to cases of horrific child neglect and abuse, the truth is it’s only a miniscule percentage of parents who do these terrible things.  Nearly every parent loves his or her child.  What parent isn’t profoundly touched by their child’s birth!  But did you know that loving your child is not enough?  What’s of far greater importance for positive parenting outcomes is not how much parents love their child, but how much the child loves their parents.  Understanding this makes all the difference!

To illustrate, can you remember back to your school days and how you behaved with different teachers?  I’d imagine you were an angel for those teachers you liked . . . but for those you didn’t like your behaviour and attitude deteriorated.  The reason for the difference is because students want to be good for those teachers they like.  It works the same way for parents!  If your kids like you they will want to be good for you.

Wanting to be good for just anyone is not a genetic trait your child is born with. Believing your child should properly behave simply because you are their parent is a false assumption and leads to disappointment.  While it’s not inborn within the child to be well behaved, it is instinctive to want to please those we love.  When a parent can create within their child a desire to love them, they will see a beautifully maturing child who wants to please.  Children love those they feel emotionally close to.  And what’s even better is children want to be good for those they feel close to.  That’s why when it comes to children thriving what really counts is, “How much does my child really love me?”

Of course to feel loved a child needs a loving parent.  But for the child to love the parent it needs a different context.  To help a child feel loved the parent must be child centred, which means they are aware of and understand the special needs of their child.  When the parent is responsive to these needs the child develops strong love connections with their parent.  When you see your child through their eyes and try to enter their world and their senses – see through their eyes, hear through their ears, and feel through their touch – the child feels valued and significant.  This sense of belonging fills up their love cup and it overflows in good behaviour.  So work harder on your child feeling loved than on simply saying how much you love them.  It makes all the difference.

Isn’t it a good thing when a child seeks to become the one in charge?  Shouldn’t such independence be commended and encouraged?  While it might look cute when a 2 year old tries to run the family, it can become a parent’s worse nightmare when a 4 year tries to do it.  It is developmentally unhealthy for any child to be the one in charge.  Let’s explain why.

 How to recognise an alpha child

• Can be bossy and controlling
• Likes to take charge and get their own way
• As ‘top dog’ they tend to give directions, not take them
• Have a tendency to get annoyed or irritated when asked to do something (or ignore you)
• Insist on fairness, their rights and getting what they think they deserve
• Will sometimes become a ‘caretaker’ of their parent or sibling
• Have a tendency to hide or suppress their own needs – they appear strong and resilient, so often are tearless.
• Can get aggressive when they don’t get their own way
• Strong alphas can appear fearless and resist close physical contact

Why is the Alpha child a problem?

When a child doesn’t recognise that their parents know what is best, or refuses to take directions, they become very difficult and exhausting to parent.  It leads to a battle of wills where you feel like your child is playing for the opposing sports team; for one to win the other has to lose – but no one likes losing.  It’s a real struggle to gain a sense of parent satisfaction when your child is constantly challenging you.

What causes a child to be an alpha

Wanting to be boss isn’t genetically wired into a child.  Any child has the potential to become an alpha.  Let’s make sense of this child.  Hardwired into every child’s DNA is the need for closeness – someone is there to take care of me.  It’s called attachment.  When a child is safely attached to their parent they feel protected and comforted.  This gives them a sense of security and rest, “someone is there to take care of me so I am safe.”  But if the child perceives rightly, or wrongly, that their parent isn’t there to take care of them they will try to assume the role themselves.  Every child knows that to be safe someone must be in control . . . and if no one is there they will try to do it themselves.

A profound insight

The way the alpha child outwardly behaves (dominating, leading, being in charge) is the very opposite to how they feel on the inside.  Alpha children are alarmed children; behind the bravo image is a scared child.  It’s highly alarming when you are 3 or 4 year old and you think you have to take care of yourself.  There are many reasons why a child might feel their parent isn’t there to take care of them and they are described in the side table, Why children become Alphas

To change the alpha child parents have to become the alpha in the relationship.  Attachment is always hierarchical: someone has to be in charge before they can take care of another.  While alpha is defined as being dominant in the relationship, it in no way implies being domineering.  Alpha parents don’t bully or intimidate their children!  That’s not an alpha.  The alpha in a wolf pack is the one who protects the pack.  If danger or threat appears the alpha wolf is first on the scene to take care of the rest of the pack.  Alpha is a protecting and comforting role.  The rest of the wolf pack feel safe because they have an alpha who they trust will defend them against any attack.

For a child to feel secure and safe they must see you as their alpha.  If they don’t they will assume the role themselves: “Help!  I’m only 4 and my dad and mum aren’t in control.  Someone has to be boss around here if I’m to be taken care of . . . if it’s not dad and mum, I’ll have to do it myself!”  That’s a scary place for any pre-schooler and doesn’t make for healthy development.  The alpha child has to learn to be taken care of.  As Dr. Cooper of the Circle of Security suggests, parent should always be bigger, stronger, wiser and kind.  When you are all of these qualities for your child they can rest knowing they will be protected, comforted and a source of delight.  When children find rest they’re a lot easier to parent.

Why Children become Alphas

Our egalitarian society.  Democratic parenting that gives the child equal rights with their parents.  The person who takes care of a child can never been an equal – for a child to feel safe the parent/teacher must always be the alpha.

Parenting on demand.  As parents we are so busy these days.  When we get home there are so many demands (dinner prep, housework, washing, bathing, etc.) that we can find we are only responding to our child’s demands.  When this happens it puts our child in charge of closeness.

Parent needing the child.  Sometimes because of our own life history we can look to our child for comfort, love, security and joy.  This again makes the child feel they are responsible for taking care of us.  Adults are meant to be alphas to each other, not their child being alphas for them.

Encouraging pre-mature independence.  There is too much pressure on children these days to grow up quickly.  Becoming independent too young has many pitfalls.  These children are more likely to become peer attached and parents find they have lost their influence when their child is in primary school, let alone high school when a teenager needs parental guidance.

Hesitant parenting.  Today parents are so afraid that they might damage their child they become hesitant to do what should come intuitively to them.  When a child senses hesitancy they feel unsafe, so take on the alpha role.

Alpha by defense.  For children who have experienced emotional wounding (abuse) they defend against their feelings of hurt by putting on a tough exterior.

 See also our Alpha Child Intervention

References

Cooper, G.  (2011).  Circle of Security. (early intervention program for parents and children) Check out their web site.

Ginott, H.G.  (2003).  Between Parent and Child.  New York: Three Rivers Press.

Neufeld, G. & Mate, G.  (2006).  Hold onto Your Kids.  New York: Ballantine Books.

Schore, A.N.  (2003).  Affect Regulation & the Repair of the Self.  New York: W.W. Norton & Company.

Recent reports such as those from Family First, and the New Zealand Children’s Commissioner, “Through their lens” add considerable weight to what we discovered in doing our literature review.   We do not wish to give parents who must work a guilt trip.  Of course many children who attend childcare full time grow up to be positive, responsible, contributing citizens in society.  But this report, and others we have referred to are considering what is in a child’s BEST INTERESTS, not what is simply “good enough”, or “my child survived”. We want all children to have every opportunity to THRIVE and that’s what this literature review is about.  Basically, we ask, if children are BEST served by an attentive, responsive parent, then governments should be targeting their policies to achieve this.  Of course, there are a growing number of children in New Zealand who sadly don’t have responsive, attentive parents. These are the children who should be receiving the funding to attend childcare, while those parents who want to provide nurturing care themselves, should be given the opportunity to do so.  The vast majority of research that shows childcare is beneficial to children is research that has been done on neglected, underprivileged or lower socio-economic groups.  To assume that the same gains can be achieved for middle class average families is a huge step and one that research does not support.  Further, most research is not based on children in full time, institutionalized care and many of the controls needed to make the research of a quality standard are missing.  Please read our review and feel free to comment.

We welcome your feedback and contribution below, or on our facebook page.

There are very real reasons why a child behaves in this way. Anger doesn’t just appear from nowhere, and a behavioural approach to change their aggression will almost never work. This workshop will give you a new and unique understanding about what is causing a child to behave this way and will provide interventions and solutions to help this child become calm, emotionally responsive and self controlled. Based on the latest neuro-scientific findings and incorporating a thorough understanding of a child’s attachment needs, this workshop will give you fresh insights, ideas and techniques and will empower you in your teaching.

This is a two hour workshop. It can be offered in our own venue (maximum 12 people) or in your educational setting.  We have real, long term, attachment rich ideas to help solve the aggression in your classrooms.

Click ‘book now’ for an obligation free discussion about how this workshop may work for you and your teachers.

You may also like:

Aggressive Defiant child information guide

Strong Willed Child movie and information guide

Angry Child intervention guide

Alpha Child intervention Guide, dealing with oppositional defiant disorder and other ‘defiant’ child attitudes

Price is in New Zealand Dollars.  This intervention can be downloaded as soon as your payment is complete.

Negative feelings (like sadness, fear and anger) are normal and good – they show us that something is happening to our security and we are feeling vulnerable. Our bodies automatically react to protect us from feeling vulnerable and this often results in bad / undesirable behaviour.

Anxiety and Clinginess is usually caused by a fear of loosing connection to the most important person in a child’s life – you (Mum & / or Dad). Their fear is a real fear and should not be dismissed.

If we play the hard, tough line when these feelings surface we run the very real risk of ruining or at the very least numbing the feelings of closeness and attachment the child has to us. When these feelings get numbed we loose influence in the child’s life and other (much worse) behavioural problems occur later (and we seldom realise that these problems are due to our response at an earlier time!).

So it’s absolutely vital that we work harder on our relationship with our child (helping them feel loved, secure and close to you), than we do on their behaviour. When we can fix the feelings and need for more closeness then the behaviour almost always fixes itself.

This 5 page intervention discusses attachment based insights into anxiety and clinginess, summarizes the key theory behind it’s cause and then offers a detailed plan for parents and teachers to help comfort and resolve the issues.

Our Guarantee: If this booklet does not fully meet your expectations and value for money we will refund your money in full and in addition offer you a free 30 minute telephone or skype consultation.

Price is in New Zealand Dollars.  This intervention can be downloaded as soon as your payment is complete.

You may also like:

Aggressive Defiant child information guide

Strong Willed Child movie and information guide

Angry Child intervention guide

Alpha Child intervention Guide, dealing with oppositional defiant disorder and other ‘defiant’ child attitudes

We have the best of intentions… until our child pushes our buttons, and then our perfect parenting ideas are quickly ignored and we find ourselves reacting in ways we never intended. This Parents Partner article describes many discipline techniques for transforming a misbehaving child into a cooperative child.

Parenting Extremes to Avoid

There are two parenting extremes you need to avoid:

1. Some parents have unrealistically high expectations of their child, without giving their child emotional love and care. They command their children – “Do this, Do that.” Children parented this way feel unloved, which leads to the child feeling angry and rebellious (especially when they become teenagers and can express their rebellion).
2. Some parents give their child a lot of love and attention, but don’t have many expectations for their child – the parent can’t say ‘No.” This child feels entitled which leads to them being spoiled and passive. Discipline that gets results avoids these two extreme parenting roles. Your child needs a balance of nurturing love, together with realistic expectations.

An Insight

The first step in resolving discipline problems is to ask yourself, “How effective have my current actions been in getting my child to behave the way I want him/her to?” In other words, is your discipline working? If you fi nd yourself frequently using high force techniques (yelling, getting angry, frequently putting your child in time-out), then it’s time to evaluate what is really happening with your discipline techniques. You need a new approach If your discipline is not working. Someone has wisely said, “Insanity is doing more of the same thing and expecting different results.” Most parents have their preferred method of discipline . . . And they generally keep using it regardless of how ineffective it is!

Because every child is unique, no single discipline method works for every child. Parents need a variety of discipline techniques because disciplining a child is a trial-and error process. If your discipline approach is not working, stop using it and try another technique.

Is Discipline Punishment?

The word discipline comes from the Greek word disciplina, meaning instruction or method. Discipline is not punishment.

The following table highlights the differences.

Your Child’s Energy Bank Account

The real key to raising a cooperative child is to create a warm, nurturing parent-child relationship. Many parents think, “if only I had the right technique it would change this misbehaviour!” The reality is no amount of information, or knowledge of specifi c techniques will prove useful if there is a poor parent-child connection. The secret for making an impact in your child’s life is summarised in one word: CONNECTION. When
your child feels emotionally connected to you, you have infl uence in their life. The stronger the connection, the greater the influence.

Children are hard to discipline when they feel bad, or disconnected from you. So the most important goal of parenting is to build a strong emotional attachment with your child. Through this emotional connection you give your child strong, positive energy. Within your child is an energy bank account. When the account is low your child feels unloved. Children who feel unloved (disconnected), usually behave in unloving ways too – misbehave. But when children have a high energy account, they want to please their parents, and usually cooperate.

It’s easy to put deposits in your child’s energy bank account. Here’s some powerful ways to do it:

Discipline Techniques

Don’t be tempted to use the following techniques as a quick fi x for your child’s behavioural problems. While the techniques can modify your child’s behaviour, the goal of good parenting is to raise a cooperative child who ultimately learns to discipline himself or herself. Any technique used in a coercive way ultimately defeats the purpose of effective parenting. The real key for successfully using these techniques is to work harder on the parent-child relationship, than you do on using the techniques.

Here are some techniques for disciplining your child.

Use Your Non-Verbals

Discipline is all about communicating effectively. Research has discovered that 93% of our communication is non-verbal. Word’s only account for 7% of a communication message. So don’t focus on what words to use! Use your tone of voice and body language to convey your message. Here are a couple of ways to do this effectively:

1. When you give a command, or want to put a deposit in your child’s energy bank account, have your child within arms reach of you. Physical closeness is a powerful non-verbal.
2. Listen to your child with your eyes. Eye contact builds connection.
3. Communication is more effective when it is eye level to eye level. Lift your child up, or get down on the fl oor and watch how powerfully you connect with your child.