Grief
Grief: helping your child cope.
The Issue
As much as we want to shelter our children from unpleasant experiences, death is a natural fact of life and children will be exposed to it sooner or later. Children usually first encounter death by seeing a dead insect, or animal run over on the road, or by experiencing the death of a pet. Sometimes thought, a loved one dies: a mother or father, a grandparent or another family member or close friend.
Check it out
There are no simple ways to help your child cope with death. Children differ widely in their reactions to death. A child’s age, personality, and relationship with the deceased influences how a child grieves. Children can’t sustain emotions for a long duration so they grieve in spurts. They may react with sorrow, or anger one minute, then give their thoughts a rest as they return to play. Babies and toddlers may not understand death, but they do react to it. A child will sense the stress of their parent, and may become clingy or irritable. Pre-schoolers often don’t understand the permanence of death and might keep asking when the loved one is coming back. How does a parent help their child deal with the loss? Especially when the parent is often struggling with their own grief. There is no magic cure to take away the pain of loss. But with compassion, hugs, and straightforward talking, you can help your child deal with his or her unique sense of loss when a loved one dies.
How to respond
Be aware of, and understand your own feelings of grief as a parent, and don’t be afraid to show them. Children need to see that you can cry and still survive. Your child learns from you that emotions of sadness, anger and loss are okay, and that one day they will pass. The following ideas can support your child:
* Talk openly with your child about the death, using direct language, and a warm tone. Parents sometimes assume their child can’t handle death, so they avoid talking about it. But children are resilient and need to feel connected to you at this time. Don’t avoid the subject with them
* Give your child extra attention at this time. Grieving children, no matter how they are acting, need your time, love and reassurance.
* Children need physical closeness when they grieve. Physical touch heals, so hold them close as they experience moments of grief. It will help your child feel secure.
* Tell your child the truth when they ask questions. If you don’t know the answers, tell your child that you just don’t know. Tell them the question is a good one to ask but a hard one to find an answer for
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