Clingy Children
Helping your child adjust to childcare or being away from you
The Issue
For many children when they first begin childcare, saying goodbye to Dad & Mum can be a stressful time. The stress usually gets expressed through clingy behaviour, crying, or simply begging for you to stay. Young children, in particular, can struggle to express their feelings in words so they use their behaviour to communicate. If they could use words they would say something like: “I really love you, so can’t we bet together today?”, “I’m feeling scared that you won’t come back.” Or it can simply be, “I don’t want to go to Kindy!”
Saying goodbye can also be an anxious time for parents. You want to be involved in your child’s life, and see them grow and learn new things. And it can be hard realising you have to share your child’s love with their Kindy teacher.
Separation anxiety is VERY healthy and a normal part of your child’s development. In fact, having a strong attachment to you is crucial for your child’s healthy development. So it’s realistic to expect some anxiety from your child when you say goodbye. Remember, the love between a child and parent is very special, and very strong. No one else can take your place.
Check it out
In a real world though, children need to learn to separate so it doesn’t wound them each time. For the first 18 months your baby is totally dependent. But as they get older, while still maintaining a strong attachment to you, they also need to develop a sense of independence. Dealing with separation is part of the process of your child becoming a distinct person. Remember, every child is unique. Some quickly adjust to a new environment, while others take much longer. Your child’s temperament influences how they emotionally respond when you separate. As a parent, you need to adapt your expectations to accommodate the uniqueness of your child’s temperament.
How to respond
1) Try to maintain a positive attitude as you take your child to the childcare centre. Your enthusiasm will ultimately influence your child.
2) Create a goodbye ritual. When children have routines they manage better because they know what to expect. Here’s a suggestion
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Note: it is well researched that children thrive best when brought up by their parents, especially Mum. Children need time for that primary attachment relationship to form a strong, secure foundation. Full time childcare is not optimal for your child’s development, especially for children under 2 or even 3 years of age. Check out our resources on choosing quality care for your child if you can’t be with them. A good article by the Cornell University can be found at www.education.com/magazine/article/Ref_What_High_Quality/