Children are Uniquely Different

Observe a group of children playing and you will seee the following: some will be moving quickly and with energy, others will be sitting quietly; some will be talking loudly, others will talk slowly and reflectively; some will be in a group, others will be by themselves; some will be bossy, others will be compliant; some will be gentle, others will be strong willed.

Children are born with distinct ways of thinking, feeling and acting. This inborn genetic ‘wiring’ is called ‘temperament’, and it will have a major impact on your child’s emotions, how they eat, sleep, and react to the world around them. By understanding your child’s temperament and working with it, you will find parenting more fulfilling and you’ll get better results. Understanding builds strong emotional connections with your child. It enables you to appreciate the unique way your child sees their world. When a child feels understood and accepted, they usually want to please the one who understands them.

What is Temperament?

Temperament is like a tree seed. If you look at two seeds there isn’t a lot of difference between them. But if yoiu were to look at the genetic coding contained within each seed you’d see significant differences. While the difference between a pohutukawa seed and a kauri seed isn’t great, contained within each seed is their distinctive blueprint. Each is a variety of tree, but each is organised differently from the beginning. Even when they are seedlings the difference between species is insignificant. But a closer examination always reveals that a pohutukawa tree is always a pohutukawa tree, and not a kauri tree.

Just as a kauri seed will only become a kauri tree, so a child’s temperament remains the same from birth. The seasons, or environment never changes the basic make-up of the tree. Kauri’s cannot be reorganised to be pohutukawa’s. Children, in a similar way, are organised in unique ways that determine their pattern of growth.

Recognising Difference

For thousands of yeas, beginning with Hippocrates in the 5th century BC, people have recognised that while people are uniquely different, they are predictably different. This is because these differences are formed by the interaction of two behavioural dimensions:

Dimension A: Introvert / Extrovert

This dimension identifies where people get their energy. Introverts need quiet time to be energised; extroverts need social time.

Dimension B: Task / Relationship

This dimension identifies where people focus their energy – on a task or on people

The interaction of these two dimensions forms 4 temperament styles. Hippocrates termed these four styles:

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